Open Your Eyes and Live It

“I see you, and I know that my dreams are right, right a thousand times over, just as your dreams are. It is life and reality that are wrong. I understand it only too well, your dislike of politics, your despondence over the chatter and antics of the parties and the press, your despair over the war, the one that has been and the one that is to be, over all that people think, read, and build today, over the music they play, the celebrations they hold, the education they carry on. Whoever wants to live and enjoy his life today must not be like you and me. Whoever wants music instead of noise, joy instead of pleasure, soul instead of gold, creative work instead of business, passion instead of insipidity, finds no home in this trivial world of ours.” -Hermann Hesse, Steppenwolf

Sitting on the train has always been comforting to me.  Besides the nostalgia of my railroad family, there is a feeling I have when I am sitting on the train.  The comfort of knowing the train is on the tracks, the tracks are on the ground and they are heading to a particular destination.  Everything is under control.  It’s an illusion, of course, because anything can happen really.  I know this, and I’ve made a choice to live my life in full knowledge of this truth, however, there is something so comfortable about the gentle rocking of that train.  It lulls me, it lulled me to sleep.

Some of us are not allowed to sleep, though, and the quiet scratching at the back of our minds like a dog waiting to be let out becomes an inescapable roar.  The deafening noise will not allow for escape any longer.  It’s time to wake up (again).  I thought I was awake, but the comforting train of a full-time salary with benefits lulled me to sleep somewhere along the line.  I got attached to it, scared to let it go.  A small piece of security for me in this crazy world of failing economies and rising fuel prices.  It seemed easy.  Look!  I can lead the way to a different tomorrow all from the relative comfort of my cubicle.  I should know better by now, it’s empty.  Ideals pasted all over the exterior like an old steamer trunk covered in badges from foreign places as if it were full of exotic treasures.  However, within were only the emperor’s new clothes.

My eyes are open again, poised to take the leap, to take my life back and do with it as I see fit.  And thank God, I no longer have to do it alone.